I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
