That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
