Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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