i was born a porn star she said
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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