He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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