She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
