I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
