Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize