Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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