he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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