Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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