i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
