I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
