I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
