i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
