Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
