barbara walters just said penis...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
