he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
