Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
