You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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