It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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