I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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