just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
