WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
