Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
