If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
