I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
