he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
