My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
