I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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