did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
