mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
