i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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