Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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