yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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