why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
