Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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