hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
