Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
