Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
