Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
