i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
