Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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