I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
