She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
