Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
