Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
