OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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