i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
