he puts the penis in happiness.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
