Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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