Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
