ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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