she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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