My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
