In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
