Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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