why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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