You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
