Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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