I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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