the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
