I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize