you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize