NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
