You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
