I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just cropdusted the office
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
