don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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