I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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