Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
